The Power of Self-Kindness, Especially at Work
Why being kind to yourself can help you love your work again, or maybe for the first time.
Only 23% of the global working population is engaged—highly involved in and enthusiastic about their work and workplace. The rest are either unattached to work or hate their job.
The majority of workers globally (77%) are not engaged with their work. 59% are “quiet quitting,” meaning they are psychologically unattached to their work and company. They are putting time, but not energy or passion, into their work. 18% are “loud quitting”: they are having a miserable work experience and spreading their unhappiness to their colleagues. They are undermining what their engaged coworkers accomplish.
Most people don't like their work or their workplace.
Commenting on the 2023 study that revealed these depressing figures, the Gallup CEO, John Clifton, said:
“Having a job you hate is worse than being unemployed, and those negative emotions end up at home, impacting relationships with family. If you’re not thriving at work, you’re unlikely to be thriving at life.”
Are you in the majority who don't like your work?
If that’s the case, how kind are you being to yourself?
Life is Full of Challenges
Life is filled with challenges, setbacks, mistakes, and external pressures. Oftentimes, we respond to difficulties by beating ourselves up mentally. However, multiple research studies have shown that self-criticism harms motivation and well-being. For example, a study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology in 2011 found that self-criticism was associated with lower motivation and persistence towards goals. Participants who were more self-critical were less motivated to work towards their goals and were more likely to give up when facing setbacks.
The answer to challenges, setbacks, mistakes, external pressures, and the like isn't to beat ourselves up.
We meet life's challenges best with self-kindness. Making self-kindness a daily practice can be transformative.
“Self-kindness is not self-indulgence; it's self-preservation,” says Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneering researcher in the field of self-kindness.
What is Self-Kindness?
Self-kindness is the practice of greeting our vulnerabilities, failures, and imperfections with understanding and patience rather than harsh judgement. Rather than attacking ourselves for perceived failures, we offer comfort. It's the courage to observe ourselves through a lens of empathy and love, treating ourselves with the same tenderness we would offer a cherished friend.
Many wrongly see self-kindness as letting oneself off the hook. It is not ignoring or pretending problems don’t exist. Rather, self-kindness recognises that we all make mistakes and provides emotional nourishment to cope. This helps us reflect calmly rather than harshly.
Some think self-kindness is selfish. It isn't. Selfishness involves prioritising oneself at the expense of others, whereas self-kindness is about treating oneself with the same care and respect that one would offer to someone else.
It's simply not selfish to do something about work that isn't working for you.
But before we get there, let's explore what self-kindness can do for you.
Unlocking the Many Benefits of Self-Kindness
Self-kindness benefits us, and, as we'll see, it encourages us to extend kindness outward.
Emotional Wellbeing: Being kind to ourselves allows us to manage stress, anxiety, and emotional ups and downs more effectively. When we’re in a stable emotional state, we are more likely to be able to offer support and kindness to others.
Resilience: Practicing self-kindness can make us more resilient when facing life's challenges. A resilient person is generally more capable of helping others because they're better equipped to deal with stressors.
Quality Relationships: When we treat ourselves kindly, we set a standard for how others should treat us and how we treat others in turn. This often leads to healthier, more fulfilling relationships, benefiting everyone involved.
Improved Decision-making: A kinder attitude towards oneself can facilitate better decision-making. We’re more likely to consider the long-term effects of our choices rather than making impulsive decisions that we might regret later.
Setting Boundaries: Self-kindness also involves setting healthy boundaries, which is not selfish but rather an act of self-respect. When we set boundaries, we make it easier for other people to understand how to interact with us in a respectful manner.
Physical Health: Being kind to ourselves also has physical benefits, such as reduced stress levels, which can lead to better overall health. When we're healthier, we can contribute more to our relationships, to work, to society, and to the good of the planet.
Personal Growth: Self-kindness can be a vehicle for personal growth and self-improvement. By being kind to ourselves, we may be more open to acknowledging our faults and learning from our mistakes, which is beneficial not only to us but to those around us.
Role Modelling: Demonstrating self-kindness can serve as a positive example for others, encouraging them to treat themselves with respect as well.
Reciprocal Kindness: Being kind to oneself often fosters a general atmosphere of kindness and understanding. By practising self-kindness, we’re more likely to extend that kindness outward, contributing to a more compassionate society.
When we are kind to ourselves, we treat ourselves like cherished friends, and we can inspire others to do the same.
Self-Kindness at Work
Today's workplace demands a lot. Being self-critical about job struggles only adds unnecessary suffering. Luckily, self-kindness can be seamlessly integrated into our workday routines.
Actionable Tips
Reframe Self-Critical Thoughts: For example, change “I'm so disorganised, I'll never succeed here” to “I'm still learning the ropes, but I'm making progress and will get better organised.”
Take Deep Breaths: When mistakes happen, pause to take calming deep breaths instead of ruminating endlessly.
Be Mindful: Take a two-minute mindfulness break to centre yourself before tackling challenging tasks.
Set Boundaries: Politely decline additional responsibilities if your plate is already full.
Walk it Off: Take a short walk during the workday to clear your mind and reduce stress.
Positive Affirmation: Stick a post-it note with a positive affirmation on your computer or workspace.
Reach Out: Don't hesitate to ask for help or delegate tasks when overwhelmed.
Celebrate Progress: At the end of the workday, focus on what you accomplished rather than what remains undone.
Self-Kindness practices at work are so important, I'll share some more tomorrow.
Make Self-Kindness a Daily Practice
Self-kindness is more than a feel-good mantra; it's a life strategy that offers tangible benefits both in and outside the workplace.
Isn't it time you treated yourself as well as you treat your best friends?
By incorporating these daily practices, you'll recalibrate your emotional state, leaving you feeling refreshed, supported, and ready to tackle challenges. Making self-kindness an everyday practice fuels resilience and wellbeing, enabling you to live your life to the fullest.
Tomorrow, we'll return to work, and I'll share some more self-kindness ideas that might just help you love your work again, or maybe for the first time.